Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
