it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
