but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
How does one acquire holy water?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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