Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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