They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
