You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
