i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
