Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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