I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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