i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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