Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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