this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize