I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
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