Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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