At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
