like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize