She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
