new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
