I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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