I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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