I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
