Don't make out with my wife yet
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize