I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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