I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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