She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
