She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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