great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
