Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
