My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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