do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
