the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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