I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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