I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
