I bet he comes in French.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
