and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
