She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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