He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
