True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize