i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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