Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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