Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
