You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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