I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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