Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I have fence marks all over my body
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
