I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
