i will never coherently bang her
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize