I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
