Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
