I just made out with a guy for $7.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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