i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize
