it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
