Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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