I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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