thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My liver is preforming stress tests.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
