Small penises have feelings too.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
