I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
