If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
