if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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