no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
