Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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