I think im going to throw up on grandma
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
