I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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