Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
